Sitting at the door

My little Sili Bear is so not happy. I feel like I am destroying him. Putting him in Preschool has been so hard on me and him. He refuses to participate in any activities. He won't talk to anyone. He basically just sits at the front door and scowls. Every Tuesday and Thursday morning I get him up for school and he cries and tells me he is not feeling good or should I say "I not feeling dood". When I drop him off I am encourged to just say "good bye mommy will be back to pick you up soon". As I walk down those very long hallways to my van I can hear my son screaming and crying "mommy don't leave me". It just ripes my heart out. It makes me want to run back in there and take him in my arms and cry and then tell him mommy will never leave you. But I know that would just wreak him for the rest of his school years. I know that if I don't do this he will have a very hard time next year. Today on our drive to the school he's talking to himself and crying saying "Jah Jah save me". Thats short for Elijah his older brother. I don't know if anyone understands the pain I am going through. You go through 9 months of pregnancy actually 10. Then you go through the hard painful labor. Afterwards you welcome this beautiful newborn into your arms. Your heart is just full of love for this little creature you call your child. You nurture and love them. Then one day you have to let them go. Let them become who they are. I really can't stop crying right now thinking about letting them go. But you have to as a parent. I can't hold him back I have to help not hinder him. Oh my beautiful children, I love them to the moon and back......